My husband and I had just returned from our 20th anniversary trip to Maui. I was going to do some Christmas shopping, meet a friend for lunch and run errands. Little did I know my life would be permanently changed forever that day. I had just picked up the violin from the shop, and was headed to the next store on my errand list. The light had turned green. Having lived in Colorado as long as I have now, I knew not to go until I checked and checked traffic. I saw the burgundy Suburban on my left that looked like he was going to blow through the stop light, but came to a halt. The car next to me had already turned before I began to cross the intersection. I never even saw it coming, but I sure remember the horrible BAM! sound it made. Before I knew it I could feel my car flipping over. I then awoke to my car asking me if I wanted to call 9-1-1? It asked several times before I got out a weak, “Yes.” I sat there hanging upside down for what felt like forever. I could hear them trying to open my passenger side door and tried to call out for help. They came around to the driver side and opened my door. I had a hard time getting my seat belt undone. I was in total shock and didn’t even realize what had happened.

That’s about all the detail I want to go into as the visit to the ER was a major joke. (They said I had a broken rib and would be good in 6-8 weeks) Traumatic brain injury, all the tendons on the right side of my back were shredded, my wrist had a lump, the back of my head was bruised, the rib under my collarbone was broken, my neck had a bulging disc, my knee hurt, the tendons in my foot were torn and my ankles hurt. I walked around for two months with my arm out of socket and my muscle detached. Apparently to get someone’s attention you must cry. I’m from Iowa, and us tough girls don’t cry. I had surgery to put things back in place and then spent the next year in physical therapy, which I like to refer to as torture. Oh and that was just for my arm. The brain Dr wanted to diagnose me with cancer, so I stopped going. The urologist that I was referred to because of back pain, also wanted to give me cancer. It was a nightmare that never seemed to end. Needless to say, I avoided the Dr and learned to compensate for things on my own.

Lacking any and all self confidence, I set out to prove I wasn’t forgetful or stupid. I had been teaching BB shooting for a few years. So I figured I would ease back into life by volunteering to run some shooting sports for the week. It was the most frustrating thing I could’ve done to myself. I couldn’t remember words. I wanted to crawl in a hole. So glad when that was over. Being mid sentence and not even remembering what the conversation was about was embarrassing to me.

The first time I went grocery shopping I had a melt down, started crying and couldn’t find my car in the parking lot for over 30 minutes . My husband came home from work one day to me cooking rotten chicken, that I couldn’t smell was bad. But the whole house wreaked. I helped my daughter put her tire on her car and the wheel fell off the next day. Thankfully she wasn’t driving fast. I couldn’t help paint the house. I couldn’t do alot of things and I was getting sick of people telling me to find my new normal. I didn’t want a new normal. I wanted my old me back.

It was about a year and a half before I could rack the slide on my firearm. I learned to use gloves that gave me that little extra grip. My fine motor skills were shot, so I practiced loading cartridges (bullets) into a magazine and then unloading them. I finally worked up the courage to try shooting. It hurt my wrist so bad and caused it to swell, so I started practicing with my left hand. My eyes didn’t track properly after the accident, but practicing sight alignment helped it improve. I finally began teaching classes. I started with friends, because I knew they would go easy on me. I realized it was ok to rely on my notes and manuals. I didn’t have to memorize everything like I always had in the past. It took a long hard 4 years of different therapies and exercise to get where I am today. I still don’t like my new normal, but I have learned to push myself out of my comfort zone and try new things.